unemployed or underemployed?

it's been awhile.
i graduated in may and have been basking in the rays of unemployment for about 2 months now. this was fantastic to begin with, but i'm getting to the point where i'm realizing i forgot to put sunblock on and am going to pay for this later.

this is such a strange time in life, and i am so frustrated at our country and culture for not understanding and nurturing that. twenty somethings everywhere who just finished undergrad and are wondering where the hell they fit in the world are being met not only with countless boxes of expectations, these boxes have fixed boundaries and sharp corners that easily break the skin. additionally, many of these boxes have doors that are closed, and no one is going to answer the door to some confused, scared kid with a shrived resume in hand and countless 'rejection' signs on their forehead. and this isn't just the corporate world, non-profits, entry level internships, and even restaurants are giving off such a 'holier than thou' attitude that you would think these people actually liked their jobs!

this can't just be the economy.
this can't just be the times.

this 'dog eat dog' mentality has taken over our minds. our country has embraced competition so much that none of us have time to even listen to what anyone else has to offer anymore. we are fish on dry land too stupid to open our eyes and see that our neighbor has found a way to jump back in the water and take a deep breath.
and this is happening on so many levels that we can't even take it all in. be it over-emphasized, structured corporate rules, incompetent co-workers, and pretentious art and music critics, there is so much negativity and rejection that we are forgetting as a society how to allow new thoughts and people into our lives...unless, of course, this comes in the form of a perez hilton approved trend or a fad turned reality show. the process of creativity is being forgotten and 'unique' is a word being muffled out by starbucks steaming milk for your non-fat, no foam, vanilla latte with an extra shot. when the rock and rollers, indie-rockers, free loving hippies and conscious hip-hoppers are even turning up their noses to the sight of me bobbing my head to a band they like, where the hell am i supposed to dance?

do i sell my soul to the nine to five's or do take a giant step back and color outside the lines in hopes of pissing off the teacher, and letting the other kids know there are hundreds of other colors they could be drawing with?

i did always want to take the crayola challenge as a kid....

There is nothing in this world that we can count on. Even that we will wake up is an assumption. But i know for a fact that i loved someone...

Hello again internet!

I've decided to start this new blog, separate from my other ones, just as a day to day 'amanda has a lot of words in her brain and needs to put them somewhere' sort of thing. Hopefully some people will be slightly entertained by me getting my thoughts out and I will receive feedback from a few humans out there.

I really enjoyed blogging with my classmates last semester, in addition to my personal blog while I was traveling, and at the risk of sounding like a John Mayer song, I feel like I’m on the edge of something really big right now. (insert 'o face' + cheesy tats + pretend I just knocked up Jennifer Anniston)

But I'm not doing this just so that people write comments, or to tell anonymous readers sitting in rooms alone every detail of my life.
Because as I write this, I am sitting in a room alone.

The countdown to the supposed 'real world' is winding down faster than my tolerance for anyone who claims to like the band nickelback.
So maybe I should try to organize my thoughts?
And if this whole thing seems like a contradiction, that's because it is.

In many of my classes and many of my conversations I have been discussing the impact of the virtual world on our generation and our perception of ourselves/ our relationships with others.
So, this blog may be my experiment.
Or perhaps, my perfect example of what has truly become of me and my fellow robots in this generation.
Maybe the internet is just as much a wonderful resource as it is a pitiful excuse or replacement of physical, tangible, real communication that we once had.
Perhaps this is the only way I/we know how to communicate now.

I don’t know. (reoccurring theme, get used to it)
Maybe you can just check my facebook status later and figure it out.
It's probably just a self preservation thing...


And before the horrible thought ever travels from your mind to your keyboard:
No, i have no idea what i’m doing next.
And i'm ok with that.
And you should be too.
I know for sure that the next 5 years of my life will include some sort of exploration in the field of art therapy, seeing a lot of new cities, meeting a lot of new people, letting go of a lot of pieces of myself that i have shared with friends along the way, and holding the real, growing, permanent pieces of me and of my love as close as humanly possible.
Now if that doesn't sound exciting, i don't know what does.

Did that make sense?
Maybe we're not robots after all...




Here's a song that's been on repeat for me if you wanna check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tDuwcbiwzw
(it's a video link, but it's only pleasurable to your ear parts.)

And my current favorite youtube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2h3JaQ5ad4
(please note: there is hilarity and profanity)


forget your friends in london.
come back to bed, my darling.
until next time.
xoxo.